— for a title, I was considering “Liebes Kinderhäutchen”, but will maybe add that instead as a phantom item six.
1. Sunday evening between Geneva and Zürich, 16 November 30
Just now our stables saw their greatest triumph to date as our much-beloved Annelies Stoffel became the first woman to win the grand prix for Geneva […] on Mama’s “Primula”. All categories. We weep (for joy), Swiss flags billow, Frau Stoffel rides homeward, beautiful child-face beaming, to roars from the grateful crowd. I, meanwhile, topple into a car and drive to Zürich, brokenhearted—broken because the Duchesse, with whom I had finally been making some inroads, said to me, “Vous ferez mieux de rester”, which threw me into terrible torment, because my love for her is deep and hopeless (because she is the girlfriend of that conquering Annelies)—and I am resolved once more to never go ever again to these kinds of parties [….] What if I were simply to marry my Marquise and get away to Rome?
In this whole frenzy of commonality, I feel so damned alone. I feel like a horse reaching the 1m90 jump: suddenly realizing that I’m done trying. [….] I want nothing more than to get away from it all, get away towards you.
That must be said. I yearn to be with you. I don’t want anything else.